What title do you suggest for this:
I stared into his deep blood red eyes.
I saw the coal black saliva drip from his fangs. He snarled as I watched his arrowhead-shaped tail move from side to side. His muscles rippled and tensed over and over again.
He was waiting… and watching. So was I.
His claws seemed so thick, so dense; I imagined they could rip my skull from the rest of my body.
I knew he would attack soon. I knew I was ready.
With every beat of my heart (which was about 150 per minute) he came closer and closer to springing at me. With a deafening roar he tried to shake me, but I stood firm.
And it was then I saw the darkness in his soul; the one that wasn’t there.
“Clowy!” my dad called from downstairs, “Clowy! It’s time to get up! You don’t want to be late for your first day of high school do you?”
I jumped out of my bed in a flash when I heard the words high and school put together like that. I had been waiting for this day ever since I started kindergarten, and it was finally here. I didn’t waste any time.
“I’ll be down in a jiffy, dad!” I said as I pulled on my super-cute, mega-popular, brand new jeans. I slipped on my funny graphic tee and hurried to the bathroom to do my hair and make-up. It’s not like I wanted to look like a pop-star or something, I just didn’t want to look like a bum. I checked for any lumps in my hair and any smearing on my face, and then sprinted down the stairs.
“Morning, dad!” I said so fast I didn’t know if he had heard me; I guess he did.
“Morning, Tinkerbell.” He eyed me warily. He always checked my outfits to make sure they weren’t to revealing. “Excited for school?”
“You bet! It’s all I can do not to get there twenty minutes early!” I almost yelled as I grabbed my lunch and a pop tart.
“Well you definitely don’t want to be late. That would be a lousy start.” He remarked.
“Yeah…” I was only half in this conversation. I could only think of how great this day was going to be. “Shall we get a move on?”
“Oh, yeah I guess we should,” he said.
The drive to school was painfully slow. I didn’t want to take the bus because the one time I did, I almost puked from the stench. Public transportation was not my kind of traveling. I thought about what people might think of my dad dropping me off, but then I remembered that the school is huge and people probably wouldn’t give me a second thought.
“Big day huh, baby?” my dad was always trying to get me engaged in conversation.
“Yeah I guess. I wish I at least knew a little bit of what I was doing though.” Before my dad and I had moved from our tiny city in California to New York last year, I had only been to a few tiny private schools that babied all of the students. I barely even knew how to switch classes.
“Yeah I guess this is a really big change, huh?” he always knew just what I meant.
“You know it. I just wish mom could be here to guide me through it.” I said. My mom had died from breast cancer when I was only six years old. I didn’t remember much about her, but I did remember that she always had the time for her little girl.
“Me too…” my dad sighed.
As we pulled into the school parking lot, my stomach started doing back flips. I had only seen this many people at a Racal Flatts concert in Los Angeles. Suffice to say I was stupefied. I never wanted to leave the car.
“Well here you are. Have a great day honey.” My dad unlocked the car doors as he spoke.
“Uh, yeah…bye I guess.” I blew him a kiss and shut the door. He drove away and I turned to look at the school. This looked like a nightmare waiting to happen. I took my first step towards the building and tripped on the untied shoelace of my Jack Purcell’s. Yeah. It was a nightmare all right.
I could feel my vocabulary getting more and more colorful as I was laying there on the ground. Holding in one expletive after another, it was almost enough to make me explode. I managed it though, and slowly got to my feet while dusting off my knees. I tied my shoe and then picked up my books. As I pulled out a pocket map of the school, I looked around to see if anyone had paid attention to my embarrassing maneuver, but apparently they hadn’t. I walked to my first class of the day. It just so happened to be math, my favorite subject.
It didn’t take long in Mrs. Finkel’s 1st period math class to realize that math was no longer my favorite subject. All the years I had been in school, it was my favorite, but no more! I didn’t understand anything! The teacher went so fast nothing ever made sense.
“Um…excuse me?" I called sweetly in the middle of her writing down an equation.
"Yes um…," she looked at her clipboard, "Clouwee?"
"It’s pronounced Chloe," I corrected.
"Whatever," she retorted.
"Can you slow down?” I asked.
“What? Are you so stupid you can’t figure out what the square root of 32,041 is? Humph!” she said as she turned
-_-" You people are retarded. This is absolutly nothing like Twilight.
1:NO F*CKING VAMPIRES
2:I’m not a f*cking retarded mormon who has dreams about vampires, and then turns it into a book
3:In the next chapter, she leaves New York and won’t be back til the end of the book, so no more high school
4:I’m keeping the name Clowy because that is how I’m spelling my daughters name
5:I DIDN’T ASK FOR YOUR ADVICE ON THE BOOK! I DON’T WANT IT!
I don’t know why but it cut out part of chapter 2 when I added details
The book is mostly about a girl from New York who goes to an island with her dad an they eventually get separated and she finds out that Satan is there and is trying to use this island to spread darkness to the whole world
To begin, I would like to say that I have a lot of respect that you’re trying to write a book. It’s not something that everybody can do.
It seems that you’ve taken the "specific nouns" advice far to seriously. Describing her outfit with so much detail isn’t necessary, nor is it adding to the appeal of what you’ve written.
I think that your preface is great; it’s scary and dark and ominous and just plain exciting. I’m thinking that this *isn’t* another Twilight book like others seem to think; what vampire has an "arrowhead-shaped tail"? Although, the heart rate wasn’t needed. Why not just edit that out?
I think that having a creative name for your character is overrated. Why not just call her Chloe?
The teacher that you have isn’t like an actual teacher; perhaps in older times (the ones with canes and dunce hats) a teacher could have been allowed to say a student that they’re stupid, but in today’s more PC world, there is no way that would be okay.
Your chapters also seem rather short. Did either of them top three pages in Word, in a regular sized font? You should work on expanding those.
Lastly, in regards to your actual question, what you have there is in no way going to help anybody to brainstorm a title for you. There is no indication as to what this is going to be about in either of the chapters.
So, my advice. Rename the character. Rewrite your chapters in a way more similar to your preface.
Then, post the question again and see what kind of results you come up with.